| Another pointless, half-assed rant |
[01 Jan 2004|11:51pm] |
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mood |
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 moody |
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music |
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Foo Fighters |
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three days left of my so called "vacation"
I find out that I have 2 ISUs due the day I get back.
:D
Don't quote me on this, but an ISU is worth like 15% of your mark. The other 15% is teh exam. I'm going to fail the ISU, and the exams in art and world religions. Giving me a gauranteed 40% in those classes :)
So, I guessI have to work a tad, if I want to pass.
Will I?
Fuck no. I'm not working during the holidays. I have three days left, and I've spent 7 of them doing shit, I'm going to spend the other 3, doing shit, thankyouverymuch.
World religions, is a great class, but I've actually lost some respect for my teacher. I used to like him, a lot..but now I just think he's an old bitter, biased man.
Even IF I happen to agree with most of what he says, doesn't mean shit. Everyone taking that class, or someone who has taken it, they all agree that he is the coolest thing since sliced bread. I couldn't care less about his stupid rants.
Art? I can't think of a reason to work in that class.
I don't care about it.
Sure I sometimes draw, and enjoy certain things about it, but honestly..I'd rather do Jack Shit. :D! (I heard he's hot)
About school. It's not that I don't care. I do. I'm just so far past being a procrastinator now.
If I don't do shit by the deadline, I don't do it.
I started off well in school this year. That's because I guess I was caught up in something. Not sure what it was.
I guess I thought maybe I could change my ways for the better, or something like that.
Buahahaahha. Wtf?
Math. Omfg. That class fucked me over.
Well. I fucked myself over, for taking this class.
It's such a joke!
Or at least it was, such a joke.
When I first got into it, it was easy.
Very easy.
All the tests I had, instant 100%.
So, I didn't do work, take my books to class, take notes, do homework, study for tests, listen, even try to remember formulas.
Now, my math logic, is so inferior, it's insane.
I have a 60% in that class, if I'm lucky. Which is complete bullshit.
Doesn't help that I never go to school either.
I want to say that I will try, but it's me. This semester is almost over, there is nothing I can really do. And I know this in the back of my mind, so why do it right?
Maybe I'll just worry about next semester. Bio, Photography, and English.
Courses I might need to have for later in life.
Heh. Except I have no idea what the heck I want to do with the rest of my life.
I'm sure I can get a 7$/hour job, but I can't live off of that.
Not here. Not with what I'm used to, living in Oakville, with everything pretty much handed to me.
I WANT to go to university, I WANT to do well in highschool.
Fuck!
FUCK!
Whatever. I have a lot on my mind. This was just going to be a short entry "Omfg, I'm gonna fail! suxxx". Sorry.
Also.
I have straight edge friends. I respect that, and I'm pretty against it too.
I don't see the point of going out, and getting high or drunk, then bragging about it. I don't see the point in that at all.
Or the point in playing with your body and how it works, but..I have done some things that I'm not proud of.
I tell them all that I'm straight edge, and don't do anything like that, but when the choice comes up, I always want to try it.
But I hold back, because I'm affraid of what they'll think of me. Even if some of them ARE doing it.
I really want to let Danielle, Meagan, and Steve know that I've been drunk several times, alone, in my basement.
I want to tell them, but I can't.
I know for a fact I won't be doing that anymore, so I don't see what the big deal is if I WERE to tell them that I HAVE been. It's just, the fact that I told them I haven't in the first place.
So. I wanted to let you know my mood, but it was very hard to choose just one. Haha. So. Moody works, right?
Thank you LJ, for letting me rant like a mother.
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| Yup |
[26 Dec 2003|12:15pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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nuffin by not playing |
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I had a pretty good Christmas, for the most part. I believe it got sort of sucky near the end, because I was so tired.
Uh.
I know I haven't updated my journal in a while. I sort of feel like I need to.
I have nothing to say though.
yay
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| GIFs |
[11 Dec 2003|02:21pm] |
HAha. Man. Last night, I wanted to make something in my spare time, which wasn't exactly spare time...it was just time I shoulda been using more wisely. NOT the point. Anywho. I got bored, and downloaded easy gif animator.
I made these last night(in this order):
Also, I haven't been to school since last Thursday, I'm way behind in everything, I know it. I haven't been getting my homework off of people in my classes and what not.
I don't know if my clay head and teddy bear are okay.
My marks are dropping, everything is how it usually is.
I say I'm going to work harder and get good grades, and I just end up with the same almost failing marks.
I do just enough for to slip by without failing. I hate that. I wish I cared more about school.
Obviously I DO care, or I wouldn't be worried right now, but, I don't care enough to do anything about it.
In art, I haven't handed in anything. I ditched my partner when we had to do a presentation (I actually had a reason, but fuck. I should've at least warned her, and gave her my half).
World Religions. I hand in my essays on time, and I do my work for the most part, but whenever I have an assignment, I wait til the last second to do it, and it turns out so crappy, because I just want to get it done.
Fashion! You all think this is an easy course. Well, it is compared to some, but we still have tonnes of tests, assignments, and projects. Like the skirt that is supposed to be done..well, a few days ago. I'm about half way finished, if that.
I haven't handed in anything in that class for a while.
I like how my mark was an 84, I believe, and now I'm lucky if it's at a 60.
Oh, and lovely lovely math.
Easy idiot math, that anyone should be able to do.
Too bad I haven't been doing any of my text book work, and have missed every important class since the beginning of the year.
I'm such a lazy bum.
Sad to say, but I ENJOY math, I ENJOY fashion, and I ENJOY art. I ALSO ENJOY thinking about subjects in world religions, but the fact that I KNOW I HAVE to work at it, I don't.
Even reading. If a teacher told me to read catcher in the rye, I wouldn't, but if I picked it up by myself and thought "this books seems interesting" I would be done it in a week, two weeks tops. (very good book by the way, I loved it).
Even those stupid little animations I did. If someone told me to do it, for marks or whatever, I wooouldn't make them, and if I did, they would be way worse than the above, and I would do them last minute.
>_<
I'm a HUGE procrastinator, and I'm SO lazy, and I'm going to blame some of this one ADD too.
MuzzoFeckos.
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| I'm so sick of this fucking bullshit. |
[30 Nov 2003|05:34pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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My fucking soundcard hates me |
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I've been working on cleaning up this office since fucking 2. It's 5:35 now.
It's no where near done. So you can all use your imagination on how messy it was to start with.
My mom's convinced that I haven't done any work to help her out today. She wants her twenty bucks back. Right now, I feel like I could be washing dishes for $5 an hour, and feel like I'm getting what I deserve.
I've been working for 3 and a half hours.
She owed me $15 from last week..
So I just made $5 for 3.5 hours of work, and she thinks that I don't deserve it.
There is a pile of shit at the stairs, that isn't mine, and I went to my room to get a cd holder, so I could put all the cd's in it that I found over here.
She asks me why I went upstairs without taking some stuff upstairs. My answer was because there was nothing of mine to take upstairs.
She yells at me, and says that I have no computer for two weeks.
I'm on it now, but I don't think she realizes.
I was so ready for her to get on me about "this is a family, and the family needs to help eachother" bullshit. When has this family done anything for me? Never. I know I don't always do what I'm told, but that's because it's always me who has to do it. for christ's sake. I'm not a fucking slave.
(which I told to my mother, and I told her I wouldn't do any work without pay, from now on..which is why I'm getting like $2 to mow the lawn or something).
Gah. She comes in her every fucking 5 minutes to see if she can catch me not doing my work.
Everytime she's been in here, I've been working.
Right now, I'm taking a break. I can't see why I can't do that.
Not once has she said that I'm doing a good job cleaning this place up.
This is just so stressful.
I can't be expected to do this sort of thing in one day.
Especially if I don't know what I'm allowed to throw out, and what should be kept.
I have dust in my eyes, my hands are dirty, I can't breath because dust and asthma are not a good combo..
oishfdsdhfsdhgs
I also had some kid talk to me about killing himself today. That's always a bucket of roses.
Today has not been a good day.
But..Congrats to Mari for finishing her Novel. :D
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| what the mother feck? |
[22 Nov 2003|12:36pm] |
December 13th.
I'm supposed to have a 3 way birthday party with Jaci and Vince on that date. We're having it at Jaci's house, and her parents won't let her have more than 7 people.
Vince
Steph(me!!!)
Jaci
Steve
Meagan
heh, Danielle can't go. Also our group got all "eww omg we can't hang out with them, they like such and such" so I bet that's all the people coming.
What a greeeeat party. >_<
I want to have one with all my friends, and hopefully on a different date, goddamn.
December 13.
Alexis On Fire w/moneen.
We all like alexis on fire, and steve is really into moneen, along with other people who are in our group/were in our group (wtf?)..
So they'll probably end up going to that rather than hanging out with me.
I would also really like to go to that, but I can't.
I'm not going to be mean and ditch Jaci, although I would like to.
but I reeeeaally want to go there.
Solution?
Have our party at a concert?
aihrseklhfs
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| PLZ TEKA MINE 2! |
[19 Nov 2003|09:17pm] |
I ____ Steph.
Steph is ____.
Steph thinks a lot about _______.
When I think of _________, I think of Steph.
If I were alone in a room with Steph, I would _______.
I think Steph should _____.
Steph needs ______.
I want to ____________ Steph.
Steph has a lot of ______.
The worst thing about Steph is ______.
The best thing about Steph is ______.
Steph can't seem to _____.
If I used one word to describe Steph it'd be _______.
I love Steph's ________.
If I were Steph, I would ___________.
If Steph could beat up anybody, it would be _____.
I wish I could ______ like Steph.
I'm glad I don't _____ like Steph.
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| Ya know what? |
[08 Nov 2003|12:26pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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The Fresh Prince theme song |
] |
I wake up at 12, come down stairs, and notice that the kitchen is a disaster. The clean dishwasher is open, stacks of paper all over the counter and table, disgusting plates and cutlery all over the papers (which are probably important), food where it shouldn't be. Both sinks are filled with pots and pans, and the stove still has cooking material from last night, or maybe two nights ago.
So, I have nothing better to do, so I started to clean it up, doing a pretty half-assed job, but good enough to get half the work done, which is a heck of a lot better than just letting it sit there. I'm putting all the clean dishes away and my brother comes in and says "If you make mac and cheese for me, you can have some"
I just shrugged and said
"how about I make myself kraft dinner, and YOU can have some if you pay me?"
"No. I'll make my own food and you can't have any of it"
Meh. I don't care, I can't eat when I just wake up anyways (and I really don't want his over-cheesed, burnt bullshit).
As I'm cleaning, he's going into the fridge and pulling all sorta of food out, just so he can watch me put it back in, which is actually hilarious...
Even if he's making more work for me.
Then, he's done making his KD and leaves open cheese, a few plates (that he put down in some pattern and grated cheese over them...he didn't have to use a single plate, seeing as it's going in the pot anyways) about 3 forks, he leaves the milk there (for me to cut, mind you (We have milk bags here in Canada, you cut them to open them, yesss), random pieces of garbage, and I'm cheerfully picking up after him, not speaking at all.
Now he's eating his KD, and there is no way in hell I'm dealing with his dirty plate and fork. =D
Oh, and when he left the kitchen he said "By the way, the kitchen is only this messy because mom told me to clean it up three days ago and I never did. I knew you'd break"
You know what?
My brother hardly ever does anything like that and I thought it was very amusing (now that I think back on it).
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| Hair |
[05 Nov 2003|09:15pm] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
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music |
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nuffin |
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It's reeeeeddddddddddd!
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| Karma |
[04 Nov 2003|06:16pm] |
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mood |
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cranky |
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music |
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People laughing. |
] |
Okay, so I stayed after school for a little bit to watch Steve's band try out for open mic night. They did pretty well I would say. I left before I could tell them that they did a good job, because I needed a ride home, and Alex isn't very patient..but then again, he did drive me out of his way to my house. Yay Alex.
Anyways. I get home, my brother is on the phone with someone, I don't know who, saying how he was hit by a car and messed up the bike he was riding pretty badly. Of course, I think it's his bike, and I start to feel pretty good (remember, he got my bike stolen, and I had to get a new one, so I thought WOW, he gets what he deserves. A messed up bike). Later on, I find out, that it wasn't his bike, and it was my dad's bike..all of a sudden it's less funny (apparently my brother's bike is in the shop, because he busted the seat). My dad went to pick up the bike (Half of it was completey fucked. My dad said that I didn't want to see it, and I haven't.).
My dad comes home and tells me that it wasn't his bike, but it was MY bike.
My brother totally ruined my bike, only 3 months after he got my other new bike stolen.
I think, Daniel should have his bike privledges taken away.
Also, I feel like complete crap. I had an hour nap on the couch, *w00p*, but I woke up with a terrible headache.
I keep bitching at my sister to fuck off, because I'm busy typing this(when I know she has to do homework, and perhaps hurrass my AIM friends. She does that sometimes). Heh.
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| To keep, or to just give up? |
[03 Nov 2003|04:04pm] |
Okay. So I've been fiddling with my LJ layout for quite some time now (and this stuff is oh so very new to me, so it's frustrating as puck). But, I think I finally got it a way that I can at least tollerate. I really want some sort of pattern or picture in the back, but I am teh suck0rz at photoshop, and I'm pretty lazy.
*Wipe glasses to remove finger prints*
Right. Where was I?
Oh yes, and I am also finding it hard to find some sort of picture that has anything to do with cake, or something that may go well with the colours I chose. Boo.
So..should I just keep my LJ how it is, or..give up, and use magazine like I did before.............or, work a little harder at it?
Bah.
Oh, and you'll never guess what I did today.
Since I didn't go to school (it was a half day, and I just didn't bother waking up, like I knew I wouldn't), my mom took me to the hairdressers with her.
I looked through teh book trying to find something that may look good on me, or something I would just want to do to my hair for some sort of a change.
So................I find this colour, it's auburn (Ive had that colour before, and liked it) and it had a teeeny tiny hint of red, that you could barely see.
>_<
So the hairdresser looked at it, and said okay okay blah blah, and now my hair is firetruck red..
well, the front of it is.
minus the firetruck bit.
wlkehfsdf
It's red okay?
Okay. No auburn. Just red and some of my natural hair colour. It's cool though, I guess.
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| OMFG CAKE PLZ |
[02 Nov 2003|11:58am] |
KTHX 4 TEH CAEK KTHX
Tif made me a new lj icon, and me luffs it. Check it cha check it, cha cha check it out y0.
^.^
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| Lol. I suck |
[01 Nov 2003|05:52pm] |
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mood |
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 embarrassed |
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music |
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tool-sober |
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1) Got my friend Danielle in trouble, because her mom thought I was stoned and drunk, and thought maybe she was too.
(I wasn't. thankyouverymuch).
2) Mom found condoms in my room. I'm not going to use them..but I do have them, because someone gave them to me. I didn't throw them out, because someone may need one(friend or whatever), and yeah. That's all.
I don't care so much about that though. It would be worse if I actually needed them for myself. lol. *plans to be a virgin for a long time*
I just don't exactly like getting friends in trouble.
I also don't like the fact that her mom thought I was stoned and drunk. Merggh. That's embarrassing for me.
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| I'm kicking myself now. |
[28 Oct 2003|07:29pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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Fiona Apple-Across the universe |
] |
WR teacher gave us 2 weeks (maybe?) to do a project, and we got uber lucky, and actually got about 4/5 weeks to do it. Of course my group hasn't fucking started. Danielle's idea is to just let Tang do all the work. Which is the worst fucking idea ever. HEY! LETS PROVE EVEN FURTHER TO HER THAT WE ARE IDIOTS! LETS NOT DO WORK AND LET HER DO EVERYTHING! BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW HOW FAIR THAT IS!
I ask all the time when is a good time to get together to do work. How are we going about getting this crap done? If we should each take a chunk and do our own little..chunk.
The answers I get are "we're fucked" and "I dunno."
WE HAVEN'T STARTED! We have to present a 40 minute skit or whatever on Thursday.
And I just ask Danielle to make sure we are going to get together tomorrow to do work, and she says she can't.
@_@ @_@__@_@_@_@_@__@_@_@_@__@_@
Also. I fucked up with a friend. I was really upset about everything..and I wasn't thinking, and I just blurted out this really personal question, really bluntly. In public. FOR FUCKS SAKE STEPH.
Anyways.
After that, she hasn't been saying hi to me. I haven't seen her in the halls of school, she doesn't say hi back on msn.
Now, she tells me she's thinking about switching schools because she hates OT.
She didn't have a problem with it, when we hung out every fucking lunch. And when she was always keeping me from doing shit I want.
No offence. This will be so great for me. AND SUCH A FUCKING RELIEF. But I feel horrible.
She hates me. I can tell.
I am her only friend..and I think she hates me.
I don't know what to do.
fuck fuck fuck
I don't know what's wrong with me.
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| If only I watched more TV. |
[28 Oct 2003|05:22pm] |
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mood |
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bitchy |
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music |
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Sweet Ones-Sarah Slean |
] |
Well.
I'm about to snap. :D
I swear to God. I'm sitting here, and I feel that if someone so much as says hi, I will cry or scream, or do something really uncalled for.
Yup.
*sigh* This one kid, keeps talking to me. I mean, he's nice and all, but I want to shoot him in the face. Simply because the blinking msn thing is pissing me off.
*sigh*
I can't put what I'm feeling or why I'm feeling it, into words, but just know that I'm pissed off.
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| Wow. |
[18 Oct 2003|05:28am] |
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...
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[11 Oct 2003|07:31pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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Cat Stevens-Wild World |
] |
I feel so goddamn deprived.
I had the BEST two days, ever.
Those of you who know me (meaning, those that are reading this, I suppose), know that I don't get out much, and Friday and Saturday, I spent at Miranda's house with a bunch of other people. It was loads of fun.
Now, that it's over, I feel like I'm missing something. *sniff*
I want to be hanging out with someone right now.
grr.
Anyone wanna go for a walk, have a sleepover, laugh at drunk people with me?
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| wehg |
[08 Oct 2003|04:31pm] |
I'm so goddamned sick of myself.
I can't open my mouth without sounding like a complete idiot, and I'm not, really..I laugh at ANYTHING, and it's never funny, and that annoys many people, and it annoys me too.
Whenever I finally think of something I want to share with someone, my mind goes black, and I say "okay" about 2384732 times, and end up just saying "nevermind".
I don't have anything I enjoy doing, besides chat with friends on here, and you know, that really blows. I get mocked of constantly for this, and I think that sometimes they are right.
I'm also getting really sick of my mom.
Today, I get home from school, and I asked her again, if I could go to the Marilyn Manson concert. My ticket is paid for, so money isn't an issue, I have a ride there, so that is not an issue, I convinced my mom that he wouldn't bite the head off of a bat and they squirt the blood into the audience..so, THAT is not an issue.
The problem with me going, is who I'm going with.
My mom doesn't like my friends. She likes one person, Elizabeth, who..quite frankly, bugs me like a sister would bug someone...My mom likes Liz, because, she's nice (all my friends are nice, but my mom doesn't want to give any of them a chance), she's mature (my other friends are too, but they definitely don't have giant cocks up their asses making it so they can't have fun every once in a while), and she's, a preppy, straight, girl.
I have a friend, Danielle. You know that. I guess some would call her a goth, or whatever. Doesn't matter. Danielle is very openly gay.
Vince, my mom considers him a goth. Sure, he wrote "may satan be with you" in my yearbook, but for fucks sake, who gives a shit? My mom basically told me that I shouldn't hang out with such people, gay, goths..(Vince isn't gay, but she seems to think so. He was cool when my brother hanged out with him, but not if I want to).
My mom wants me to hang out with Liz, only Liz, I'm not allowed to have anymore friends, because she doesn't like them.
I can't stand Liz. I honestly... jkewhsdfsdjhf I'm nice to her, I laugh with her, but she's seriously just like my mom. It's like, she's the only person I can hang with.
wjefhjkdhdf
I don't want to make this lj entry any longer than this, so I think I will just leave it at that.
My mom, Liz, and I..all suck.
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| I haven't been in the chat, forever |
[26 Sep 2003|09:04pm] |
I really miss the chat, and talking to all you guys. It really sucks that I am on normal sleep hours now. I now get tired at about 8, and it seems that whenever I stay up, I'm the ONLY one awake. How the hell does that work?
School, has been way easy for me. It's almost, annoyingly easy.
Wed, I hung out at maplegrove with Mari, Danielle, Jaci, and whoever randomly showed up, which was a lot of people. Haha. We took pictures and stuff. A lot of mine were all blurry. That's okay, though. *nods*
Thurs, about 8 of us when to maplegrove to meet up with Miranda, hung out for a while there, and took a shopping cart. I pushed Steve around in cart for a bit, because I refused to let him push me in it. Then, Vince took it from me, and they took it back to school, where we locked it to a bike lock. Yeeah. I have a sign in my backpack that has sobey's on it, and this picture of a lasagna. Yup.
We then, stopped at Tori's house, to call our parents, to tell them where we were.
We all got to Hannah's house, by about 6, where we met up with even more people. Hannah has this AWESOME house. It's got a freaking swing in her kitchen. How awesome is that? VERY, that's how.
Hannah and Wade had plans before we got there (we weren't really invited), so we all had to leave the house at about 8, so they could go do their shit. We were pretty much stuck in the middle of down town Oakville. Which wasn't too bad. We just went up random elevators, made a lot of noise, and crap.
I have to say this. Wade is a true jerk.
I hope no one that *knows* him, or Hannah, reads this. Hah.
He's a dick to Hannah, he's a dick to all her friends, and he doesn't even let anyone talk to her, besides him.
When I was at her house, she got up, and her shirt was folded up, so you could see her back, and it was annoying me, so I fixed it. Wade was like "Get your hands off of her." And it wasn't even a joke. (well. Might have been, it's Wade, so it's hard to tell, really). All of Hannah's friends have drifted so far from her now, because of Wade. It's just "Wannah" now.
weufhdfjdfgfkgj
Today Danielle came over. We were sitting on the couch, watching black adder, and my dad was behind it, fixing a shelf...and all of a sudden, he pops his head up, and says something like "WHAB!" @_@. We jumped pretty hard, and then laughed so high.
Gah. Okay. I don't want to type anymore. Plus, I need to save some stories for teh chat, tonight ;).
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| My..lovely weekend. |
[14 Sep 2003|08:35pm] |
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mood |
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discontent |
] |
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music |
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massive attack-teardrop. |
] |
I went over to Liz's for the weekend. All we did was watch TV and movies.
-The Edge
-The Craft
-Dumb and Dumber
-Proof of Life
-First Knight
-Beauty and the Beast
-Fox and the Hound
So..pretty much, more TV than I watch in a month. I fell asleep during EVERY movie, though.
Liz would continue to talk to me, and I would be asleep on the couch. Good stuff.
Oh, on Saturday morning, my dad picked me and her up from her house, and we went to breakfast...which was in Rexdale, the ghetto of Toronto..so now, she's pretty much seen where I grew up. *nods*
Uhm..
I just sorted out ALL of my mp3's..and it doesn't feel right. I feel like I should take them all out of their folders, and look for songs how I used to.
>_<
Took me a good 3 hours to do.
Okay. I aslo did my math homework, that I got from my new math class.
Boy, do I feel like I'm in grade 6 or what.
I love it. I can actually do the work. Even if it's probably pushing out all the more advanced math out of my head, to do questions like 3^3..it's all good.
I think I had some other stuff to say, but I forget.
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bananajunky's journal